I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
