I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
