I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Too much gin, very little bucket
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
