you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
