similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize