anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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