areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
