Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
