he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
