do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
