you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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