don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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