she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
