I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
