I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
