New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
