it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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