Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize