I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
