i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
