you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
