awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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