I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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