Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
