whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
