I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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