i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
