Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
