you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
