Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
