Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize