What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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