Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
