My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
