I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
