I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
