Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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