i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
