i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
