Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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