he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
