My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
