just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
