We're like a lot better than the average bears
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
