the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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