I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
