Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize