you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We left the knife in your bed.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
