i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
