Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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