I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
