can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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