just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
