i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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