I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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