I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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