I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have tasted many bathrooms
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
