My Higher Power is John Stamos
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
