How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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