im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
