saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
please don't ironically join a cult
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