New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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