there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I am one with the molecules
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
