Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize