College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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