words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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