I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
