we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
