I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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