she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
