I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize