Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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