hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize