I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
