some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
