so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
