wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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