all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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