he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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