Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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