I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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