I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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