I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
