Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize