So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Acid is not a monday night drug
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
