I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
