my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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