don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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