He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
