Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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